I woke up in confusion. I was searching for it but it was nowhere to be found. My mind was racing as every thought was pinning each nerve deep down into my skull. I couldn't get hold of it. It felt like my body was about to collapse. I searched under my bed, in the drawer, my cupboard but it was nowhere. My mind kept inducing shit and things kept rewinding like tape.
I found it! I went straight to the restroom, locked the door behind me and broke the knob to never let anyone change my mind. I settled down in that bright white bathtub, turned on the tap letting the water rush down my warm body underneath my gown. That ‘blade’ I had been looking for when was in my palm, gave me relief. My mind kept indulging me to scary thoughts as I knew the time will never come to breathe again. Without wasting another second, I pushed that blade onto my forearm and gashed deep into the skin to let the blood of anxiety release.
I took a deep relieving breath as gradually the blood was streaming into the gushing water creating mesmerizing doodled patterns, eventually turning the tab red. I was breathing my last few seconds smiling to the end of tyranny. It was paining, paining a lot more than broken bones or chopping the head off but not more than the feeling of being alive in this world with the devils. My eyes were heavy, my body was numbing, I could feel the forceful stretch in my muscles that they'll tear apart, tears were rolling down my cheeks dripping into the red river. The pain was extreme to the extent that I wanted to scream but my voice was gone to that time. I started suffocating, the breathing became difficult and I lost the function to gulp my own fear. The more I was choking the quicker my brain was thumping with torturous pain like the very second it will blow. The soul escaped leaving my body drowning. I DIED THE DEATH OF CROW!
I really want you, readers, to tell me what do you think the last line means “I DIED THE DEATH OF CROW”?
NOTE: Suicide is not a solution. I know life is stressful and you might feel like quitting but giving yourself a chance will prove to be worth the cruelty you might have suffered. Before thinking of giving up your life, just for once restart from the beginning being a new you and you'll never regret changing your decision for taking one more chance. Please reach out for help, if not from closed ones than go and talk to someone outside of that depressive world.
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